Overlooked: The Best Missed Connections of the Week

For every cutesy missed connection and romantic run-in on Craigslist, there’s usually an equal number of weirdo encounters. This week’s posts fall somewhere on the spectrum between quirky and creepy. C’mon folks, just say no to poetry!

baby lotion? – m4m (cap hill)
Reply to: pers-1039416756@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-18, 12:07AM EST

we had a brief conversation about baby lotion and how it smells. would love to have talked more but the situation wasn’t really right.

The time for baby lotion, however, is always right.

Ravishing Redhead (Shaw to Columbia Heights) – m4w – 32 (Adams Morgan)
Reply to: pers-1041210933@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-19, 10:25AM EST

You were the beautiful redhead working at Corduroy. I was the shy, yet loveable guy – too timid to recognize my myriad qualities.

You pursue innapropriate men, while I watch and wish you’d notice me.

I’ve seen you at the bar at Commonwealth, sipping wine at Vinoteca and drinking coffee out of a mug (no paper cups for you) at Starbucks.

You’ve been told all the things that are wrong with you…Let me tell you everything that’s right about you?

If you have low standards, a tolerance for polygamy and a comprehensive text plan, we are meant to be together.

Love the kicker. If she has a thing for inappropriate men, you may have a chance!

UPS Guy at Retirement home – w4m – 25 (Silver Spring)
Reply to: pers-1033153463@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-13, 1:58PM EST

Me: Waiting for an interview
You: asking if a certain person’s name was a real name.

You’re cute, coffee?

Sounds like you missed the connection completely.

Pumphreys Valet Parking – m4m – 35 (Rockville)
Reply to: pers-1040604220@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-18, 7:32PM EST

You are the hot white guy parking cars at Pumphreys Funeral Home in Rockville today. I would like to take care of you when you get off work. I’m close by.

Would you say he is drop dead gorgeous? Haha, ahem, yeah…

you love cigars – m4w (nova)
Reply to: pers-1038619153@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-17, 2:01PM EST

i am just trying to catch up with the woman who loves to smoke cigars. i missed the conversations that i had with you and your husband at our spot in centreville. i just think that you and he are a great couple and i love the fact at how you were interested in what i do

conversation and friends like you two are hard to find

Uh, so you’re looking to start an affair? Or a threesome?

Whispers – w4w – 23
Reply to: pers-1037283089@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-16, 3:04PM EST

I think of you often,
Your smile writ from daylight,
Your emerald eyes,
Beaming the very sight from me.
I follow your image,
Webbing, meandering through the corners of my mind,
Replaying simpler times,
Watching the stars in wonderment,
Could they take us back again,
To that place that was ours,
Where the waves crashed,
And the cool breeze swept us away,
Into another world,
Where time stood still and sped up all the same…
Where your body curved perfectly into mine,
Where we found sanctuary in our breath,
When dreams were realities,
And I spoke those words so softly so you would not hear,
But proclaimed in each kiss,
And repeated with each gaze,
So hear it now, as the ink flows from my pen,
As the words flow from my soul,
I love you,
And will love you all the more…

Roses are red, violets are blue, poetry on Craigslist makes us say “Eww!”

Trinity Center door basher (Centreville)
Reply to: pers-1041275673@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-02-19, 11:21AM EST

You bashed my car door with your white car door this morning in a Trinity Center parking lot. You did a great job. I only wish I would have seen you. Since I’m unable to key your car or break a headlight in retaliation, I hereby sentence you to seven years bad luck. May you lose your job, lose your piece of crap white car, become ill, and not realize any of your dreams.

Well, that’s not very romantic.

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Jessica Sidman

Food Editor

Jessica Sidman covers the people and trends behind D.C.’s food and drink scene. Before joining Washingtonian in July 2016, she was Food Editor and Young & Hungry columnist at Washington City Paper. She is a Colorado native and University of Pennsylvania grad.