You Call This a Mall?

Does Paris come with Hilton? Illustration by Bob Barkin

With Hilton Hotels moving its headquarters to Northern Virginia, will Washingtonians be seeing more of Paris Hilton, America’s most flamboyant hotel heiress/socialite? Here are ten things it might be fun to see around Washington:

1. The launch of a My New BFF series with Hilton and Nancy Pelosi on MTV.2. Hilton’s confused search for shopping at the National Mall.

3. A legislative struggle on the Hill for a Chihuahuas’ Bill of Rights, à la Elle Woods in Legally Blonde 2.

4. Hilton lacing up with Alex Ovechkin and “rocking the red” with the Caps; Hilton did play hockey in high school in Connecticut.

5. Endless confusion between the Embassy Row Hilton and Hilton-owned Embassy Suites.

6. The vegetarian activist’s anger about the amount of “pork” produced by the federal government each year.

7. Her release of a sultry, new version of “Happy Birthday” for President Obama’s big day, August 4; after all, Hilton refers to herself as a modern-day Marilyn Monroe.

8. Her auditioning for a starring role in Verdi’s Falstaff at the Washington National Opera.

9. Crowds of paparazzi further tying up M Street traffic in Georgetown every time she goes club hopping.

10. Implementation of the thoughtful and measured environmental-and-energy-reform package outlined in her 2008 presidential candidate video (seetinyurl.com/parispresident).

This article first appeared in the March 2009 issue of The Washingtonian. For more articles from that issue, click here.

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Garrett M. Graff