Missed Connections: Cute-or-Just-Creepy Edition

Missed Connections participants tend to walk a very fine line between sweet natured and downright creepy. A poetic ode to a stranger could be seen as a grand gesture, but it could also be justification for a restraining order. This week, Craigslist posters write passionate pleas to Adams Morgan Day attendees, fellow insomniacs, and a coffee-wielding woman. Romantic or repulsive? You be the judge.

Adams Morgan Day–m4w–25 (Adams Morgan)
Date: 2010-09-15, 12:18AM EDT

I went past in the golf cart. You shivered in the breeze, like the last leaf on a dying tree. You only went stiff for a moment. You’re everything a man could ever want. It wasn’t just you face, or your figure. It was your eyes. All the things I saw in your eyes. I saw a familiar pain, you were sick of being misunderstood. You were ready to be happy but you didn’t want to be happy alone. Then you smiled, and the wind rose electric. Your perfume was a sweet promise that almost brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to tell you that everything would be alright. That I would save you from whatever you were going through and take you far away. In that moment I loved you.

Hackneyed metaphors, overwrought descriptions, premature declarations of love . . . yep, this is a textbook Missed Connection.

Center for sleep and wake disorders–m4w–48 (Bethesda)
Date: 2010-09-15, 8:16PM EDT

Monday September 13th. We talked in the lounge area. We were both wired up. You wanted to watch CNN, and wore pink pants. You are very cute, but I didn’t get your name. I hope you read craigslist!

She probably does. What else is there to do at 4 AM on a Monday?

You poured boiling hot coffee on my face–m4w–26 (Dupont Circle)
Date: 2010-09-14, 11:11PM EDT

We were leaving a coffee shop today, I held the door for you and said that I really liked your high heals. I don’t know why but you took offense to my comment and poured hot coffee on my face. Despite being in a little pain, your laughter was infectious. The reason why I made a comment about your heals was because I thought you very attractive. A little odd to write a missed connection for someone who would do that which most would consider vicious but I tend to think I’m just matching your absurdity.

I get the feeling that you’re not a morning person–maybe we laugh it all off over an afternoon/evening latte? Unless you grabbed coffee somewhere else today, your weekly intake is likely to be lower than average and it’ll probably catch up to you around. . . Thursday evening? Same shop?

Masochism at its finest. I hope his face “heals” soon.

Amo Fest. Alcoholic–w4m–26 (adams morgan)
Date: 2010-09-13, 1:45PM EDT

I was watching the police clean up blood off the sidewalk when I saw you. You were sitting at a bar by yourself. There was about 8 empty glasses in front of you, you were still drinking your 9th. I guess you like to drink? Thats okay, so do I. I noticed you were smoking cigarettes, so I walked up to you and asked you for a light. Right as you were putting the flame to my cigarette I realized. . . you were the one. YOU SIR, must have my children. After you lit my cigarette you ignored me. How could you do such a thing after we shared such an intimate moment?! I ran home crying and found comfort with my cats. You have not left my mind since. Just to clarify, I’m not joking- I want you to have my kids, even though you are a man.

Honestly, neither of these two should even think about reproducing.

I can’t seem to get it right.–w4m–23
Date: 2010-09-15, 10:51AM EDT

I’m blonde, average build (getting more trim every day), medium height, tan. I’m pretty attractive, or so I’ve been told. I’m in grad school. I’m smart, funny, easygoing, nonclingy, and I don’t ask for very much.

So why can’t I hold anyone’s interest?? I’m so tired of being lonely.

This is Craigslist, not your pity party. Go get a LiveJournal or something.

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Mollie Reilly