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The National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum is now selling a bobblehead version of Dr. Anthony Fauci. Perfect for your mantle, your bookshelf, or your underground quarantine bunker, the tchotchke of America’s favorite doctor can be yours for just $25 (plus $8 shipping).
For every bobblehead sold, the Hall of Fame will donate $5 to the American Hospital Association to help get masks and other personal protective equipment to frontline healthcare workers. “Bobbleheads are the ultimate honor,” Hall of Fame co-founder and CEO Phil Sklar said in a press release. “We think Dr. Fauci deserves it given what he has done and continues to do for our country and the world in the battle against Covid-19.”
Though pre-order is available now, the bobbleheads won’t be shipped until July. Yes, July is still scheduled to happen this year. Hopefully, we won’t still be socially-distancing by then. But, with another wave of the virus potentially on the way in the fall, now is the time to stock up on all of your bobblehead needs to make your next quarantine as enjoyable as possible.
Imagine a quarantine where that now-empty space on your windowsill is occupied by a disproportioned, smiling version of the only person keeping the President from thrusting our country into a medical maelstrom. As his massive head gently undulates on his pencil neck, you feel overcome with a sense of calm. “Yes, yes, yes,” bobblehead Fauci nods over and over. “Wash your hands for 20 seconds. Stay inside. We will get through this as a nation by flattening the curve.” Isolation has blurred the line between fantasy and reality; you’re no longer sure whether these mantras are from your own head or being spoken by the bobblehead. Somehow, you don’t care. Bobblehead Fauci is there, everything is going to be alright.
Or, if disappearing into your own mental void isn’t your style, bobblehead Fauci is also great for entertaining restless kids! Start an Elf on the Shelf-style game and hide the bobblehead doctor around the house for your kids to find. Imagine the possibilities: Dr. Fauci watering the plants, Dr. Fauci playing with the dog, Dr. Fauci opening your last can of hoarded black beans. “Silly Dr. Fauci!” they’ll laugh through their face masks as they scrub the living god out of their hands for the 87th time that day.
By now you’re probably realizing how lame your current stay-at-home situation is without the presence of a bobblehead Fauci. Don’t beat yourself up. Though real Dr. Fauci warned us of our current reality, most of us didn’t take it seriously until it was too late to adequately prepare. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Accept the possibility of another period of social distancing and stock up on your bobblehead Faucis today.
Jane is a Chicago transplant who now calls Cleveland Park her home. Before joining Washingtonian, she wrote for Smithsonian Magazine and the Chicago Sun-Times. She is a graduate of Northwestern University, where she studied journalism and opera.
