Twitter’s Elon Musk era has officially arrived, and with it comes the glorious chaos of rampant impersonation: Now that users can purchase a verified account for the low, low price of $7.99, it’s extra cheap to sow bedlam online by pretending to be a famous person and Tweeting some wild-ass remarks.
This epidemic of fake accounts has already spawned its superstars—LeBron James, the Pope, Nintendo of America—and many are prominent figures in the DC sphere. Some of these Tweets are unprintably filthy (but if you’re curious, you can scroll through this thread and its replies). Here’s a roundup of some of the family-friendlier impersonations, which are still not family-friendly at all.
George W. Bush
“I miss killing Iraqis,” the account says beneath a “gaming” tag and a crestfallen emoji face.
Okay twitter blue has been such a success I need to do a thread. Feel free to add to the 🧵on the great launch of this product pic.twitter.com/cx1bEFp9Yn
— Read Let This Radicalize You (@JoshuaPHilll) November 10, 2022
After an out-of-character nod to motive—$8 “is a small price to make this app completely unusable”—the user notes that this is, of course, merely “what I would say if I was someone other than the greatest President America has ever known.”
Rudy Giuliani
A user named “Rudy Giuliani” went on a zany Tweetstorm that included the following gems: “I stand with kyrie irving and Kanye West because George Soros once pushed me down in the street and I was stuck on my back like a turtle for several minutes,” “Helen Keller is a dusty fraudulent bitch pushed on us by globalist media,” and “I’d like to announce I shidded.”
Ted Cruz & Ben Shapiro
America’s Zodiac-iest Senator has an unprintably erotic back-and-forth with Brietbart-y podcaster (and grownup baby) “Ben Shapiro” in the comments. It involves pseudo-Cruz referencing “the first time I entered my human wife” and asking Shapiro “Have you ever tasted the entrails of a man, Ben?” Elsewhere, Ted Cruz claims to eat babies from dumpsters, and a different fake Ben Shapiro accuses right-wing pundit Matt Walsh of incessantly calling him and “talking about genitalia.”
Ron DeSantis
Aspiring Washingtonian Ron DeSantis also got a fake verified account, which is actually pretty dark. The bio claims “I am your God now,” the featured image includes swastika flags, and the account places “82,541 Floridians dead from Covid” among his accomplishments.
Joe Biden
An account claiming to be President Biden graphically describes his enjoyment of well-lubricated self-abuse.
Elon Musk
Outside the Beltway, the real Elon Musk set the few remaining Tweeps to work banning all the fake accounts, including a fake verified account for Twitter itself.
But this Tweet, in fact, is real:
Please note that Twitter will do lots of dumb things in coming months.
We will keep what works & change what doesn’t.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 9, 2022
